Welcome back to the Smart Dad podcast. This week we're going to cover our seventh dimension of living and our eight dimensional living. We're going to talk about fun. We've talked about faith and family. We've talked about finances and fitness. We've talked about food and freedom and now it's about fun. So join me as we cover a lot of different aspects of fun that you may not have thought about. But before we get started, I want to take you back to when I was just finishing my freshman year of college and I was selling books door to door, 80 hours a week, straight commission, a thousand miles from home. It was a 12 week summer. I actually had to come back early and I had a job I had to start. So I worked about 10 and a half weeks that summer.

And I tell you what, I met a lot of interesting people, but there was a mom I ran into and she had identical twin boys and they were about five years old and she was telling me that she had gone to the doctor because one of her kids was an incurable pessimist. He was always negative. She didn't know what to do about it. But the other one,

was an eternal optimist. This guy woke up every day of the week with sunshine and roses and he just couldn't wait to attack the day. So she was telling me she took him to a child psychologist hoping to get some answers. So the doc took the optimist and put him in one room and she took, he took the pessimist and put him in another room.

And he had talked to this mom and these boys and said, you know, this is, this is a tough case, but he said, let's go back and check on the boys. Well, the pessimist had a room full of toys. He had a rocking horse. He had a bouncing ball. He had a trampoline. He had everything a five year old boy could want from floor to ceiling. He had all the places he could play in the room. And he was sitting on the floor with his arms folded.

and his head down. And the psychologist walked in, said, what's wrong, son?

I didn't play with any of the toys. The kid said, he's like, why not? Well, I didn't want to ride the horse because I might fall off and hurt myself. Okay. Well, I don't want to kick the ball because I might kick too hard and bounce back and hit myself in the head. Okay. Well, I don't want to ride the skateboard because I didn't want to fall off. I don't want to jump on the trampoline because I didn't want to fall off and on and on every toy in there.

This boy had a reason he did not want to use that Psychologist shook his head and said, ma'am, this is one of the worst cases I've ever seen. Let's check on your other son. Sure enough, they walked into the next room where the psychologist had left this little optimistic boy with a big old pile of horse manure, but

The doctor was about to open the door and he just saw it was flung floor to ceiling, flinging it everywhere. And the doc said, son, son, whoa, whoa, hold on a minute. What are you doing? And he said, doc, with all this poop, there's gotta be a pony in here somewhere. Now that actually didn't happen, but I actually heard that story.

when I was 19 years old in sales training and it stuck with me for decades. You see, son, what are you doing? That optimist could not be stopped versus son, why didn't you play with any of the toys? And the pessimist just thought of everything bad that could happen. And you may think, wow, I've got a kid like that, a daughter like that, or a son like that.

The whole point is parenting is not a formula. It's not one size fits all, but I want you to have fun while you do it. So let's talk about why even have fun. You know, I've seen old movies with these very calm and serious and well-dressed dads, you know, from anywhere in the world, depends on the film you're watching and their kids are

very very sincere and straightforward and there's not a whole lot of fun and they raise them like they're you know young adults already well i'm not that kind of a dad but i'm definitely not a fun first dad but here's the deal fun matters right our kids have to see us play they have to play with us

Right? We don't need to just correct our kids. We need to connect with our kids. We need to be out there having a good time with them. So I don't know you ever heard the phrase families that play together, stay together. It's not just a slogan. It's actually backed by research, shared positive experiences are going to create a glue, a relational glue within the family. Laughter.

If you've laughed just out of control, no holds barred laughter, you're going to feel the release of oxytocin. Playing, having a good time, either super high highs or just being lost in it lowers cortisol. So oxytocin is good. We want that released. Cortisol is bad. We don't want that increased. We want that dropping.

So kids who play with their parents, they're going to feel safer. They're going to feel an emotional relational connection. They're going to feel closer and they're going to be seen. Now listen, I am not that funny and I'm not encouraging you to be a standup comedian or do some crazy TikTok dance so you can try to connect with your kids, but figure out how you want to have fun. Let that be your brand for me.

I love teaching. It's fun for me to hear my kids have a connection. I love for them to experience the wonder of the world around them. And you know, I want to make memories. I want these things that they can think back on days, weeks, months, decades later and say, yeah, I remember I did that with my dad. I remember we did that as a family.

So I'm doing it to try to get into my kids world, but I'm also trying to invite them into my world. Have you heard of the book? I think it's by a guy named Chapman, Gary Chapman called the five love languages. I read this about marriage and dating and it's, it's good. It helps you maybe see what your wife, your girlfriend, the females in your world might like. So you can

give her roses, can write her a sweet poem, or you can take her out somewhere and spend time with her. You can give her a back rub. You can tell her how wonderful she is. You can do a dinner and cook it and prepare it for her. The different love languages are great for your romantic relationships. They're probably even great for your guy friends to know if your guys like to sit around and talk.

build stuff, go places, travel together, whatever. But I'm talking about another kind of fun. Using love language is to have fun with your kids. kids, they don't really need more fun. Kids are having fun generally most of the time, but they need fun that feels connected to them, experienced, really in a way that relates to how they're wired. So quickly, there are five love languages according to the book.

Words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. Now words of affirmation, it's not just blowing smoke and just saying, you're so great. you're so great. you're so great. Shallow deep, shallow platitudes do not flow deep into their soul. They just roll off like water.

off of a duck's back. If you want to find a word of affirmation to speak to your child, you've got to know your child. You have to study your child. So sharing stories about your life that they can see themselves in, memories you have from before they could remember, or maybe memories that they've forgotten because they were young. Maybe you can write each other silly notes. You're the

Biggest greatest most gargantuan humongous Amazing dad in the whole wide universe world planet You know how kids can go to hyperbole and you can write a note back. You're the cutest sweetest Most precious use all your extremes, you know these kids they love to hear that even though even though they know it's silly I've seen compliment battles make

kids laugh and have fun. You're a really good student. Well dad, you're a really good cook. Well you're really good at cleaning up your room. Well you're really good at driving me to school. And they just go back and forth at the dinner table. There are so many ways to do that, but if your kids like that, if your child likes that, that might be a love language your child can relate to. Sometimes it's acts of service. That's literally

doing, think of it just being a verb, fixing a bike, making a lunch, helping with a project, doing something together, cooking, cleaning, blasting music the whole time, dancing around, but while you're dancing around your, you know, whatever, knitting something or building something, whatever, they love to see and do with you. So they're not looking for a clown to entertain them or just a trampoline to jump on.

They feel like we show up for them when we do for them. The third one we've talked about quality time. I think kids spell love T I M E. And for me that's really been my love language in parenting. I don't know if it's my natural love language and everything, but I will walk around the block with the kids, go one on one with errands.

do a quick meal, all the things that give us some time together. In fact, one of my sons just said yesterday, you know, dad, going with you, even if we're not going to do anything is still fun. Cause I like hanging out with you. Now that's a cool feeling. Went to get the vehicle inspected, went to the government building to get the tags and stickers, went to my childhood house.

showed him around my neighborhood, walked over the footbridge and down to the creek that I went to with my brother, his uncle, when we were kids. Just that time connection, uniqueness. Man, that is a memory builder. I know that at least half of my daughters have gifts as their love language. And listen, I'm not here to spoil my kids, but man, a new book at Half Price Bookstores,

That is gold or a puzzle for my three or four year old. It might be a 99 cent puzzle, a two or $3 puzzle, but it's the favorite Barney character or maybe it's the favorite doggy or maybe it's the favorite SpongeBob SquarePants, whatever you thought of me and gave me a gift for me. I've even brought home little coins from around the world. They're virtually

Valueless and yet the kids who love gifts will save them and bring them out and look at them and remember And then they'll tell me years later remember you went on this trip and you went here and here and here and then you told me that this man you talked to and now they're Retelling parts of the story that I've forgotten But gifts can be tied to meaning not just a pile of stuff And the final love language that the book talks about is physical touch another one. I love hugging

rubbing someone's head, giving them a noogie if it's your son, right? Tickling ribs, tickling armpits, throwing one on my back to climbs on top of me wrestling. I mean, that's just straight up dad move right there. So sometimes mom doesn't like it. We have to have a little balance there, but the laughter, the connection, the up, up, up, and then there's like a let down. That let down is a really, really good thing.

So what happens if your love language is quality time and lots and lots and lots of it and your child does not have that love language. Your child wants gifts or your child wants a kind word and then to be gone. Well, I can tell you from experience, one of my daughters, I tried to spend a lot of time with her and her love language is definitely not quality time. And she felt like it was a prison sentence.

to go spend 90 minutes with me a week. Well, when I figured that out, I had to pivot. So instead, we went and bought some ice cream, and then I listened to her tell me stories, and although we were spending time together, I did something for her. Another one, we went and built gingerbread house together, one house, her house, and I just saw her artistic, creative, symmetrical.

Beauty coming out and the entire thing and yes, we spent time together But for her it was an act of service to be there and I gave her words of encouragement and I told her how amazing Symmetrical and then I I used a little bit of the glue gun which was I think you know The sugar cream to stick stuff together. It was great. I love the quantity of time the quality of time She loved the other aspects. So just be aware that it's not just about you

You can make it go for her or for him while it still feeds your love language so you don't feel like it's a prison sentence for you. Also, you know, different ages have different stages of fun. You probably know this, but let me just cover a couple of things. The first five years or so, the kids are silly. They're surprised and they love to be startled, but they also are thinking about safety.

not too far, not too loud, not too scary. You play peekaboo with some kids, silly voices, tickles, spins, songs, any routine that's over and over again, bedtime songs, they love that. They love to be with you doing the silly, the surprising and the safe. And the next age bracket, I think this is like the golden age where you have group play,

Magical thinking all your Disney movies are very popular in this age group. It's gonna be a games focused imagination Focused and then sharing joy again nerf wars you can make up board games don't to follow all the rules Just write a few rules down You can make really stinky smells and you can go have a time by stacking up pillows you can

be a dad who's a monster dad, you can be a couch monster, can put on costumes and be a wizard, whatever your flavor of fun is, remember, you want to reflect their age. I invented my game, I think I've told you before, called Peg a Kid. Right, they were old enough to run around and I could hit them with a super soft Nerf ball and they were out and if I missed them, right, I lost a point and they ran and burned energy and it was just great.

So the rule here is don't over schedule things. Give them some time to be wild, to run wild, to get some energy out, to get some giggles and squeals out. And then the let down, it's so much easier to take a nap or go to sleep. As we get older, kind of the tweens and early teens, you'll find the, the inside jokes and the corny jokes and letting them create their own identity, have adding a little bit of risk.

letting them become different than you with different language, right? You're connecting to them with humor. Playing with them can be challenging because they want to win and then they're not sure if things are supposed to be this way. So pull them in, go race go-carts. that's a blast. Go do escape rooms. Have them on your podcast. Do a YouTube video watching series where you're watching

you know, Roblox or cooking series or whatever. You know what? They also love having their friends over all kinds of creations. The secret is don't let them think it's a burden. Don't let it become a burden. Let it become the joy that it's meant to be. They're going to remember that more than where you went and for how long you were there. Finally, 15 to 18, kind of high school age.

You know, give them power. Let them plan a day trip, a half a day trip, a weekend trip, right? Teach them to drive in a parking lot, right? Have them pick the music. Then let them sit in in your business meetings. Let them see you plan out your days, your weeks, or months, your years. Let them in on some age appropriate spiritual discussions. And the thing is here, they'll like the depth. I've done early six, seven AM coffees.

I've done breakfasts, I've done lunches, I've done dinners. And the thing is at this age, you get a little more bonding and that is the fun. So as they grow up, consider what motivates them based on the age. If you want to know about motivations more about it, I have stumbled upon an amazing tool called M code and you can connect with me and I can.

help you get an code assessment and you can learn if you have an achiever, a driver, a learner, if you have an influencer, not a social media influencer, but someone who likes to kind of flavor things up. You might have an optimizer, an orchestrator, a relator, or a visionary. The reality is everyone is motivated by different things. Just like introverts are motivated by their size friends and their size crowds and their size groups.

or total aloneness and extroverts are generally motivated by increasing sizes, crowds and all the energy from there. Match your introvert. it's an extreme introvert you're dealing with, match your extrovert. If you can't match, let him know, let her know, Hey, I can't, I can't be that extroverted or I can't be that quiet. Let's do something side by side quietly or Hey, here's the karaoke mic take over.

Here's some boundaries and bear us the heck out of me. And if you have multiple kids together, who gets the right, like make the rules, the introvert or the extrovert? Yes is the answer. Have them alternate days or weeks or one hour doing introverted activities, one hour doing extroverted activities. Simply put, do not get trapped in the prison of two ideas. So dad's insight for you. Watch the energy.

not just the enthusiasm. Sometimes kids will put forth a smiling face, but you see their energy draining. And sometimes they forget to smile, but they're so energized, you know, they're having a good time. So that's what I want you to focus on. And then finally, just remember this fun does not have to be fancy. It doesn't have to be expensive. I took my son to the bayou where I grew up. We walked down.

We looked at the rocks. looked at the turtles. That cost me nothing except the time I was there. The night before I had taken my 12 year old to an NBA playoff game mid court first row, seat one, seat two. We could literally smell the NBA players in front of us. She was ecstatic. It was very expensive fun. Thank the Lord. Somebody gifted the tickets to us.

but we don't have to have high cost activities. Whatever you've got, love it, live it and enjoy it. Remember I've done so many cruises and what's ironic is what they love the most. One of my daughters, she loves the sight of the sunset on the last night. Another one of the kids loves to get our picture taken because we get a free picture every cruise. Another one loves the milkshakes. Another one,

loves to walk around and look at the stars. It's just all over the place. But here's the deal. I'm watching. I'm notating it. I'm telling my wife, I'm sending videos and pictures and we're creating a memory bank so we know how to tap in when times get tough. Fun is hard to do. It requires a little bit of time, a little bit of organization, a little bit of management. For some of you that's easy. For me, not so much.

not naturally fun, but I work at it. I'm not naturally organized with people, but I work at it. I'm pretty good at logistics and time flow. I'm pretty good at getting in and out on time. So that's not as hard for me. We have different gifts. You're going to have to work at it. And when you do work at fun, you're going to build a legacy. They'll remember and remember this 15 kids across 28 years. I've got eight who are out of

the house out of high school. I've got seven more to raise. I could literally regale you with unending memories I've had from the very first one projectile vomiting to the one last night and today screaming in pain because a tooth is coming in trying to make that fun. That is not easy to do all the way to watching a sitcom or watching a

social media post on my wife's phone and we're laughing and uncontrollably with the kids and and we can barely breathe it's it's just it's all over the place but make sure fun is part of your formula fun is simply this it's memory in motion you laugh together you play together you try to connect through fun you're not just kind of passing the time you're not just

shaping, I don't know, who wins the game and what are we gonna do if this kid loses? You're not trying to manage and moderate. You're showing up as dad. You're showing them what a dad is and can be. You're showing up at home. You're showing them what a home is and can be. And you're also showing them who they can become. So here's my challenge to you this week dads. Don't just try to be fun.

While you're being fun, the assumption is you're gonna be fun, but while you're being fun, be attentive. Maybe even take notes, videos, pull your phone out, pictures, whatever it takes. Notice what your child enjoys. Match it to who that child is. And then try to recreate or have another moment in the same plane, in the same vein, in the same arena.

Because when they remember their childhood, they'll say, wow, my dad knew I loved baseball and he did this, this, this, this, this. My dad knew I loved this specific type of strawberry ice cream. And he went over and bought that specific type for me. Whatever it is, they're going to remember their childhood was not perfect, but it was a childhood they can be proud of because you were there.

with them having fun. Again, this is a Smart Dad podcast. We've covered the seventh dimension of our eight dimensional living fun. Add fun to your life. Make it an integral part of your recipe. That's it for now. Thanks for joining me on the Smart Dad podcast.