Welcome to another episode of the Smart Dad.

So we're talking about highs, lows, and the lessons learned. And I've got a lot to cover today. I'm going to actually touch on all eight dimensions of our eight dimensional living. We're going to talk a little bit about faith, a little bit about family, or maybe a lot about family, a little about finances and fitness, definitely food, definitely freedom.

this podcast, this episode is all about fun with an eye on the future. So if you don't know the eight dimensional living, that is the paradigm that I analyze everything by. try to keep it in perspective. It doesn't cover everything, but it really helps me make sure that everything I'm thinking about and talking about and weighing is included. So I've told you before that I take cruises.

This is relatively new in my parenting in the sense that I had been on some cruises before the global pandemic here and there. My kids would turn 12 or 17 and the cruises would be a part of their trip for some of the children. They didn't all choose them and they didn't really have a fit for everything we were doing. But cruises have really picked up in the past two and a half years.

I've been on nearly 50 cruises and what I do with the kids is I try to make it as much about them in time with them as possible. As I've said before I've heard elsewhere kids spell love T-I-M-E. Cruising has worked for me. It's not about luxury. Cruises are kind of a throwback kind of retro.


You can get away with little to no technology. There's really no commuting, so you don't have to fill any time. And there's just so much to do. So what I'm gonna do today, I'm gonna go through and walk you through my college-aged engineering daughter's cruises, one-on-one with dad, all the way down to my little bitty girls, the littlest ones.

What I want to do is I want to show you some of the highs and some of the lows and the lessons I've learned. So 10 of my kids have cruised with me or been considered for cruises. just say over the years we've had one, two or three cruises each with the kids and my oldest daughter who's not out of college yet. So there are

a lot of them out of college, but the one who's not out of college yet, she's an engineering student. I took her for a birthday cruise a couple of years ago and this one is special. All my kids are special. This one is special. She has a brain that is amazing. She has a caring heart for children. She's a phenomenal athlete, a varsity.

goalkeeper who allowed one goal in her last season on varsity. She's a dance instructor. Uh, she's phenomenal. She's just a great girl and she's mature has always been mature for her age. So we went back in 2022 about around election season, took her on a cruise. It was her last cruise as a teenager, her last, you know, birthday as a teenager, I should say. And

You know, she was able to hang out with me and we were able to go to dinner every night. Real simple, no frou frou. We were able to go to the casino and she could hold my spot, hold my drink. She could hang out with me and she was just super chill. We could walk on the deck. She knew a little bit about astronomy. We had some good talks about weather, winds and patterns.


but this girl loves trivia. She has memorized the flags of every nation on the planet. Just had already done that. She is a Harry Potter buff among other things. Well, just so happens on this particular cruise, there was a trivia competition for Harry Potter trivia and the big room.

as you know, breaks up into teams. And so they asked 20 or 30 questions and I think three or four teams tied with the highest number of correct questions. So they said, okay, send up a representative to the front for kind of a final challenge. So Audrey goes up there and then three other representatives go up there and they ask a hard question and only Audrey knew it. Well,

The staff member then said, okay, Audrey, we'll bring up the rest of your team. And she sheepishly looked down and said, well, there's no one on my team. So she had beaten every body else in the room combined by herself. And they gave her a standing ovation because they all knew how amazing that was on the same cruise. There was a flags of the world trivia competition, which

for whatever reason she had just memorized the flags of the world. So she literally knew every flag of every country and even some places like Puerto Rico, which is not its own country and some other islands in the Bahamas. mean, this girl was fire. She could not stop loose. She, she, she wouldn't lose. She didn't lose. She was amazing.

We also enjoyed music, walking around, just getting some fresh air. And the thing about Audrey is she's so intellectual and she's so humble. We went on a second cruise last year for her birthday and we went up along the East coast. I'm not saying we broke into MIT in Boston, but there was an open door and we did give ourselves a tour of MIT on a Saturday.


amazing papers on the wall. We saw some incredible historical sites and we just nerded out on the East coast, Nova Scotia. it was amazing. Of course there was a hurricane and we rushed back, missed a day and ended up sitting in Cape Liberty looking at the New York skyline, beautiful nightlife, excuse me, nighttime view and just being flexible.

making memories and so it was great. Everything was great but we had a hurricane and a foghorn which was a really big bummer but we were able to capture the moment together and I tell you what we wouldn't trade both of those cruises for anything in the world. Now the next two guys you know they never got to go on their cruises they were so busy

because their school years were packed. I had booked a birthday cruise and the guys said, dad, we just got jobs. We can't take a week off to go on a cruise with you. So they both chose not to go cruising. I'll tell you what, I wasn't disappointed. I was proud. I didn't chastise them. I didn't guilt trip them and I paid for this cruise.

I went by myself. All the other kids had activities. had great, great cruises. And you know what they were showing me? It's time to break away from dad. You've seen the biology, you've seen the Rams, you've seen the coming of age. And you know what? That's what the boys have to do with dad. It's just part of it. And so those two didn't get their one-on-one cruises and that's okay.

It's just okay. So the highs, they were booked. The lows, they didn't go, but the highs, they didn't go because they were choosing work in the summer. The lows, they missed out the highs. had two great cruises. So you need whatever you focus on. That's what you're going to hit. And so I just keep focusing on the value with the kids.


So my next one, her 14 year old trip was amazing. Now I've talked to you about Cassidy already. She loves music. She loves live performances. She's an actress. She's a singer. She's a poet. She's an author. Everything beautiful and artistic, even her curls. She loves, we went to every event.

At the art gallery, two auctions, a champagne sipping and artwork viewing moment. Now I got the champagne, she didn't. We had full on bidding. She had stories about the artists, their lives, the eras, their families, the children who became artists, the purchases, the scenes that they grew up in and reminisced about, their lifestyles, even their beliefs.

came through in their art. And it became about more than art. It became about discovery. It became about insights. It became about perspectives. Now this is my tallest daughter to date, even taller than her four older sisters. And because she's tall, nearly as tall as I am, she garners lots of attention. She dresses beautifully, conservatively. She glides around confidently. She'll walk with me.

No problem. She'll walk alone. No problem. She's seen my example. She learned all the names of all the people in the art gallery, the folks in front, the folks behind the scenes. And that's a little bit from the how to win friends and influence people book that I read when I was her age. She would ask them about their stories. Tell me, how did you get into art? Wait, where is your country of origin? Tell me about your languages. Tell me about your families.

She was just locked in. She was ecstatic to go to these art events. And guess what? We actually won a beautiful piece of art. We chose it. They framed it, sent it to us. And every time she sees that, it reminds her of our cruise. She had so much freedom. She met all kinds of kids her age. She listened to jazz music. She went to the teen events.


She loved the steak. She loved Shirley Temple's mocktails, pina coladas, strawberry daiquiris. She just did it all. At our dinners, we talked about money. We talked about investments. She asked me about different types of bank accounts, different types of portfolios. She asked me different returns and what she would need to achieve her financial goals.

These moments were just spontaneous. They reflected Cassidy.

She's so energizable that she would go back to the room, back to the cabin and start planning, start scheming. How can I get more money, make more money, invest more money? And even to this day, she's still working on her earning capacity. The money will come and go.

the cruise memories will last. The piece of art is a physical link to everything she did and experienced there. So this was a high cruise. There was no down. There was no bummer, but her little sister,

could not get on my schedule last year. 12 years old, 11 years old. She had five cruises booked consecutively. One would cancel. I've got a friend's birthday party I have to go to. Okay, I would switch somebody out. we've got a volleyball tournament in two weeks. We made state, regions, whatever. Okay, I'd switch somebody out. there's a church camp I really want to go to. there's a dance.


theater group. want to be a part of this summer and, and, and, and it just kept happening. Now dads, have you ever wanted to do something for your child and the child can't get out of his own way? Can't get out of her own way? Well, I wasn't upset. The kids, the little girls would step up and go. My little man would step up and go. My wife one time even stepped up and went and one went, I went by myself, but finally

Finally, after all those swings and misses and, can't get it done, we booked it right before Thanksgiving. She was ecstatic. It was slow. And we had a blast. She is so active. She is so athletic. And she is so sharp. She rock climbed. Phenomenal. She boogie boarded. Phenomenal. Played putt putt. Phenomenal. Shuffle boarding. Phenomenal.

Whatever she chose to do athletically she crushed it. She dressed up looked beautiful Asked me to put my coat on when we went to dinner because she wanted me To look nice her outfits were stunning and she just beamed because I told everybody this is Emily you're the one we haven't met yet in August. we didn't meet you in September we didn't meet you in October. So after

A dozen cruises, everyone on the ship who worked there finally met her. She had a blast. And again, she was mature enough that we can have a whiteboard and write each other little notes. Hey, I'm going to the diamond club. hey, I'm going to the deck to play shuffleboard. She's funny. She's quirky. She's humorous. She had great whiteboard humor. Hey, dad, I'm hiding in the room to make you think I'm asleep. Just kidding. I'm at the teen room.

So I wrote her notes. The top right was always reserved for the time. So I wrote her one note. I wrote always in the top right. Just wrote, Emily, I love you, dad. And then she wrote me a note back. You know, it's just those little things that are natural. They're fun. She went to the big screen and watched movies. She had soft serve, didn't talk. You know, she's very busy on land. So she was kind of quiet at sea. And then...


she'd start musing and start thinking and reflecting and we have a really great conversation and names and stories and all that. And also this girl slept a lot probably because she was busy, busy, busy on land, super active, sleep deprived, whatever. But she was so lovely and she was so loved. Highs, lows, lessons.

You know, the lows came first for her. I couldn't get her to go. The highs were she was present in every moment. And the lessons were persevere. Dads don't quit. If it's worth doing, it's worth pursuing.

My next little man is my last son. And you know, this guy here, he's been on a couple of cruises with me, I think three father son trips, and every cruise he goes on, he finds a guy, a boy he knows. And not just a boy he knows, a boy he knows from his school. What are the odds? I mean, I guess they're pretty good, but he...

Boogie boards, he rock climbs, goes to the Flow Rider, eats ice cream, watches movies, walks together, swims together, wakes up and goes to the other one's room. This guy loved having his dude friend there with him. Sometimes he'd invite me, sometimes he'd say, please don't come, we got this. And for a boy, for a young man, 10 years old, nine years old, who has

Only sisters at home, six or seven sisters, depending on how we're counting, mom, grandma, my wife, who's his stepmom, and I'm the only guy in his world at home. This guy needs some hormone adjustment. The estrogen is everywhere, right? He's got testosterone and silly and laughing and, just doing guy stuff, climbing and everything. So


This is part of the fun because the Diamond Club, they would let me leave him in there because he behaved so well. The steak dinners, I didn't have to sit with him if I had to go take a phone call, which he didn't love, but one of the cruises I had some business stuff to take care of. Burgers, fries, shakes, he would eat anything and everything and he loved to try new things. I don't like mushrooms, I don't like mushroom soup, ooh.

That mushroom soup is really good. That's what you do on cruises. You try new things because there's no penalty. It's unlimited food and they give you a small portion. If you try it, you like it. You can have more. If you don't push it away. We watched sporting events at the sports bar 16, whatever TVs. Play Jenga. He always beat me at Jenga. He always beat me at connect for this guy is brutal. Just gave me no mercy.

So what's the point with that one? Well, the highs were he loved the cruises, but the lows were he didn't really enjoy them with me as much as I thought he would. But the highs were he had other guys who were great friends. And so there is no other low. It's not about me. Dad, it's not about you. You do this for the kids and what you get out of it is your future is being built. You're pouring into them.

The fun factor, the fun quotient goes a long way. The family time, the financial investment, the food that they try, all of these aspects are so important.

Also, I want to focus on freedom for a minute. Go with an agenda, whatever you do with your kids, but if you can, give it a little wiggle room so that they can have their flavor, their nuance, their tone added to it. Whether you're going on a walk with your kids and you alternate kids, or you ride bicycles, or you do hiking, or you play video games with them, or you do their hair.


It doesn't matter. Let them go a little crazy. We don't need to keep them in line in a behavioral straight jacket. And you will learn more about them than you could ever imagine. In fact, the last stories are all about my little girls. And my six year old and I went to LA a couple years ago, 100 % homeschooled, well read, loves maps. She loves animals.

She loves astronomy. We got to LA. She had already stored up in her brain more than I already knew about the California seals, the puffer fishes, the mountains, the ocean currents, all the stars and planets that were gonna be in the sky and more. Fortunately on that cruise we had a third deck ocean view. You can't get a door down there so you get an ocean view. We were able to see the whales.

the dolphins, the seals, the puffer fish and more. It was amazing. She knew all the animals. She knew the geography. She knew the zoology. She knew what to expect. It was incredible. And she was active. At six years old, we parasailed.

If you haven't done that, back of a boat, it's so loud and once you get up, up, up, the silence is unbelievable. It was stunning, beautiful and memorable. We took a golf cart all over Catalina Island and my navigation skills may not be the worst, but they're pretty close.

My wife is genius at navigation and Ava has that skill. So she navigated me all over the island. We stopped, we saw, inspected, we explored, we took pictures. It was incredible to see her just light up and the ship, the ship was everything she could have wanted. She played, she ate, she loved the putt putt. She loved the rock climbing. She loved


the deck. She loved the heliport. She loved the music. It's just, it was just excitement. But you know what it wasn't? It wasn't overload. It wasn't, you know how sometimes the kids will get just so jazzed and energized. You can't calm them down. It was good fun that she really enjoyed. And then we could go back to the room, turn on the TV and they had great kid programming.

It was just unbelievable. We would go out at night when it was windy, you know, 80 degrees, 75 degrees, get a jacket on. And we looked at the stars. We looked at the scenery. It was just low key. It was so chill late nights, swimming in the hot tub, swimming in the heated pools. She loved being out with her daddy. Ooh, it's eight o'clock.

it's nine o'clock. it's 10 o'clock. I can't believe I'm out. She was so excited. it's just hilarious drama. But dads, isn't that what it's about? Isn't that where you really connect and make memories and you build those bonds is when you're letting them be kids and you just bring the pressure down. Speaking of pressure, those were all highs with Ava. Maggie, Maggie was a lockdown.

pandemic baby. We went to the hospital in March 2020. She came out in April 2020 and the world was changing. She was steady. She was cautious. I was her night nanny and full time daddy during those years. I was doing school but not a lot of work. She literally didn't meet anyone outside the family for like a year, maybe a year and a half, two years. It was crazy. Well, she's been on eight cruises. Three of them were one on one.

And what I noticed about her is her steadiness. She sees patterns. Daddy, did you know that we always take pictures in front of the sunset on our last night of our cruises? Or daddy, did you know that we always run around the heliport, run around the H at least once on every cruise? Or daddy, did you know that I learned...


when I was three that I love cruises because their steaks are so good and we eat steak every night on the cruise because no one else is there to eat with us so we just eat our steak. Or daddy, did you know can have as much sugar as I want on a cruise until I get sick? Then I'll stop. Or daddy, we always look for ducks and when we find them it's so fun and then we get to hide them. Or daddy, I love the Diamond Club because it's so

quiet and nobody's there. Or daddy, I want to swim in the hot tubs when everybody gets off the ship because it's like having my own ship. She just sees patterns. She counts all the steps between the floors. She remembers every duck. She names the ducks. She remembers who gave her a duck, the staff names, where she finds the ducks. And she's willing to sit in her room and play with the ducks for hours or watch TV for hours or walk around outside with me for hours.

She is just so chill. She's deep. She's sweet. She's very polite. She's very proper. And in the physical world, it's just a thing of beauty to see a five-year-old take her suitcase and unpack it and put it in the drawers. And I didn't say a word. In fact, I did a time lapse video of it, and she was so impressive. I just put the phone above.

and aimed it down. She didn't even know what was doing it. And she just went to work. And she got everything where she wanted it. Put the suitcase under the bed. I mean, this girl is a pattern crusher. How would I know that if I didn't spend time with Maggie? How would I know that if I didn't give her repeated opportunities to show herself? It takes time. I'll tell you what.

My little Lily at 22 months old went on a cruise. We went to Tampa Bay, caught a little Southwest airlines flight. Super cute. Had her sitting up there with me. We had a car, a little car seat, drove, boarded, had a balcony serenade of the seas. We were going out of Tampa and I had a little bit of work to do. So it worked out. I was on the balcony doing work. She would be in the room napping. But the first thing that happened,


on the ship before we got to our room. We stopped by chops grill to have a steak. It was open. We sat down there. They gave me a glass of water. They give her a glass of water. She picked it up to drink it and just bit right into the glass. This is a really nice restaurant. they're fine wine glass. They gave her not a plastic cup and not a kid's shattered in her mouth. Blood sliced her mouth.

She had to spit it out. Fortunately, it was a full glass and so it gushed out, but she was bleeding. No steak for her. it was such a stressful start within the first hour. So there is a low to start the cruise. She had a whole lot of yogurt, ice cream, soft serve for about a day, day and a half, but babies bounce back. Little mouths heal very quickly and

Of course, from then on, she remembered that story. In fact, even to this day, she says, when I was little, I bit into a glass and bled in my mouth. And she remembers because that's pretty traumatic and life changing. But you know what? That wasn't even the lowest low on that ship. I was trying to work balance being a hundred percent on for a 22 month old by myself.

And the guy next to me was smoking cigarettes on his balcony, playing loud music. I asked him to stop, asked him to put it out. He called security on me. He made a huge scene, threatened me. It was unbelievable. So security and I talked and I had to move rooms. I didn't know what this guy was going to do. He was unhinged. So the only other room I had was an interior room across the ship on a different deck. So I took it and man, it changed my life.

Couldn't go on the balcony, had to go in the bathroom to do my work, sit in the hallway, go back and forth and check on her. It was so, so frustrating that I paid for a balcony and had to be stuck in an interior room. But, lows often have highs as a flip side. Guess what I found out? Those interior rooms are magic to put a 22 month old to sleep. There's no sunlight creeping in to wake her up.


So she was able to sleep and sleep and sleep. And when she woke up, she was full board energy running through the ship, swimming for hours on end, climbing, eating, pooping, peeing full on, take a bath, repeat, do it again tomorrow. And I learned that, you know what, maybe something bad happening isn't bad.

It's just a low and how we react to it is what matters. And that's what I've heard my whole life. Life is 10 % what happens in 90 % how you react to it. So with that cruise, my sweet little girl loved, loved running through the hallway, saying hi to everybody. I found out that she might have some left-handed tendencies and guess what? To this day, she still does. I don't really care, but how would I know that?

if I hadn't taken the time to be there with her. So I just want you to see the arc across a 20, 22 year old or a 22 month old.

three lessons that I really take away from these highs and lows. One, if it's not obvious right now, every child is different. Now children change. So obviously, you know, 22 month old, two year old, three year olds, they act certain ways and five and six year olds have certain, you know, ways they behave and teenagers and college students. Obviously even the same child from two to 12 to 22 is going to be different.

but every child is unique. It doesn't matter if you have a hundred kids, same mom, same dad, each child will be unique. If you've got two kids, you're probably sometimes wondering, are y'all even genetically related? I mean, I've heard parents say, I've got two kids and it's like they came from two separate neighborhoods, two separate gene pools. The second thing I took away and I still do is every season has a window.


You know, my, my daughter who's been on some cruises with me, the, the birthday cruise and the Nova Scotia cruise, she's busy now. She's got her own place. She's got jobs. She's working and doing school and she's got a lot on her plate. She doesn't even have time to do daddy, daughter cruises. My boys already proved that they said, I got work to do dad. I can't work. can't, I can't go. I've got work. And then the little ones,

They would say yes every time except they miss mommy, right? The 12 year old, she said no five times. And then finally we found a sweet spot for her. So every season has a window. Don't live in the past. man, I really remember when my kid was sweet and didn't talk back and it was just a quiet baby. Now this one runs around the house and is a terrorizing everybody.

I remember before my kid drove and I was always in the car with my kid. before they went to college. Don't live in the past. Every season has a window, but also don't miss the present because you're waiting for the future. Man, I can't wait till you can, you know, not need diapers. I can't wait till you go to kindergarten. I had time to go play tennis or work more sleep more. I can't wait till you get a driver's license so you can take your

You know, brothers and sisters places. I can't wait till you move out and go to college and I'm empty nester. Whatever. Dads, don't live in the past, but don't live in the future. It's not, neither one of is safe. You live in the present. You make the best plans you can.

And you see, you just have to see what happens. Finally, I think what you can tell my lesson here from these highs and these lows, every moment you're with your children is an invitation. Are you going to be engaged? Are you going to be there?


Are you going to show up? You're to enjoy it and laugh and let her run, let him fall, jump up. You can do it. Get up. You got it. And try again. You make memories by being present every moment. It's an invitation. So cruises are just a setting. The cruises aren't special. The magic is the attention they give. You might be. Yeah.

land a sea, like I said, video games, fixing cars, whatever, woodworking, you do you. Here's your smart dad challenge for the week though. Pick one child, pick one block of time and let that child lead for 30 minutes. You might need to help them if they're little. You might need to give them some parameters, some multiple choice if it's the first time. Get them taking ownership and telling you what they want to do.

You may not get a cruise story with all the nuance, but you'll get something that lasts and you can build on. This is Derek Moore. Thanks for joining me for the smart dad podcast. And remember we're here to do it together. So go out and be a smart dad today.