still picture it. A tiny ice cream parlor, a single scoop of chocolate ice cream, and my three year old daughter's messy grin. She was a pretty good eater, but at three years old, at three years old, it's hard not to chocolate ice cream.

all over her face. Then she dragged me outside. She said, I want to play hide and seek. And so up and down the little covered walkway in front of the strip center around the polls, we ran back and forth behind the plants, behind the pots. And I just thought, man, this is what being a girl dad is all about. That was a long time ago.

Back then, I had no idea how much deeper and harder it would get. I'm Derek Moore, the father of 10 daughters, ages one to 29. I've got five sons as well. Right now, I'm raising my last six daughters and my youngest son at home.

But with my son gone about 70 % of the time for his activities and his life's pace, it's mostly an all girl house. My four youngest, all eight years old and under love to color, to play dress up, to write stories and tell stories and invent fantasy worlds. They're full of love and patience while they catch bugs and take care of the pets.

It's so different, so different than when I was raising my first two and four girls. And I've got a couple of big girls at home, right at the teenage years and a teenager. And they kind of spar with each other a little bit.

for excellence, they rarely need dad's nudge to refocus. They have had a lot of positive peer pressure. They've had a lot of positive peer pressure from their oldest sisters. My four older daughters, and they set the tone. They showed service. They showed gentleness. They made their own paths. Some of them are now distant, but that's okay.

By the way, this is the Smart Dad podcast. Today kicks off a three part mini series. Part one, we're gonna talk about being a dad of daughters. Part two, we're gonna talk about being a dad of sons. And part three, we're gonna talk about raising kids in a mixed sex home.

To me, raising daughters uniquely means a couple of things. I wanna protect their hearts. I wanna celebrate their gifts. I wanna affirm their God-given worth. I wanna build courage in each of them to live out their faith in whatever they do. It's gonna be messy, but it's sacred work shaped by my

Nearly 30 years of fatherhood and I've picked up some wisdom from folks like Jordan Peterson and Meg Meeker So it's a it's a faith dive That makes this cake more than one layer of faith. It's literally the ingredient in everything we do

So I have had some successes. Let me tell you, my 10 daughters are growing up in waves. My actual firstborn is a millennial. She had her own path, firstborn female. Then I had a second one. She had an older brother between her and the firstborn and a younger brother. So for years I had a 50 50 household boys and girls. And I'll tell you what,

That is quite an adventure trying to raise girls just around boys that are all boy. We'll get to that in a later episode. The next two girls came back to back within a couple years of each other. In fact, less than two years from each other and they were inseparable. The A team, the fifth and sixth daughters also came back to back. But you know what? I can clearly see

the break between my Gen Z and my Gen A. These girls are different, they're wired differently, they look different, they walk different, they talk different. They have some of the same friends, but they are for sure making their own path. And the youngest four, back to back to back to back, girls, all girls, four in a row.

They were all born in under seven years. They have softened me. They have softened our home. They've all been homeschooled almost completely. They've been almost media free. We have one big TV we can put on when we want to watch some Daniel Tiger or some Wild Kratts or we want to watch a Disney movie or a musical.

but with 10 daughters strewn across almost 30 years, couple things I've picked up on. And I wanna share them with you and I want you to tell me what you think. First of all, I do want to affirm each of her God-given values. You know, my girls become teenagers and I don't deal with the normal teenage struggles and I don't know,

if it's because of the positive peer pressure, but at some point, one of them will be struggling with this or with that. And they usually talk to mom or they talk to their sisters or their friends, but when they talk to me, I listen and I don't have to read a Bible verse to them. But dad, I want you to remember something. Your daughter is fearfully and wonderfully made. She may be a soccer goalie like

three of my girls have been. She may be in a theater performance like all of my girls have been. She may be singing, trying out like all my girls have. She might be playing basketball. She might be drawing. They all have their own way and it doesn't define them, but it can be affirmed because strong daughters need strong fathers to stand behind them.

Peterson says stand behind her Meg Meekers says affirm her daily value no matter her path Another thing I want you to know when you're raising girls Your call is to protect her Against cultural pressures now. She does need to live in the culture But media and scrolling

It is brutal on girls.

Your job is to guard her. You might shield her for a while, but then you want to walk right into the world of consumerism and beauty standards. And you want to put your flag down and say, here's what we wear and here's why we wear it. Here's enough beauty to highlight your facial features without going over the top. Again, each one is unique. So dads celebrate her uniqueness.

I can tell you countless stories of ice cream dates, of Tex-Mex dates, of walks that I've been on, of plane rides we've been on where I've taken my daughters with me to work, 12 year old trips anywhere in the US, 17 year old trips anywhere in the world. And I can tell you not one of my

Has had the same path I've seen some parallels Broadway theater New York versus outdoors mountains nature versus books books books books Each one is going to be a blend of you a blend of her mother but all herself I Want you to know that girls

might talk a lot more than you want to. You might not even want to listen that much. I'm an anomaly. I love talking.

They don't always like listening. I don't mind listening. I want to talk back. So my girls don't always talk to me, but I celebrate. They want to sing. They want to show me what they can do. They want to show me their report cards. They want me to come to their soccer game, their basketball game. I celebrate their uniqueness. That's a couple more things. I want to challenge you to guide your daughter's media consumption.

I don't know what your system is at home, but in my house, we love theater. We love live shows, live performances. We love musicals on TV, classics. love Broadway soundtracks. We watch Hamilton. We listen to the words and learn all of them. We watch hairspray. We watch frozen. We watch Moana. We watch wicked.

whatever the presentation and I just ask questions periodically like does that song sound accurate or sometimes wow doesn't that song sound so accurate remember your ingredient is faith it's not a layer it's not a middle or a top or a foundational or you wrap around the outside

It is in everything they do. So I like to show them, Hey, this is enough TV. This is enough screen time on your phone, your iPad, your laptop, help them pick up a book, help them pick up a pencil, help them go outside, pick up a ball. It's really important dads. Girls need to be courageous. And one way to do that is for you to pour into them.

I may have done it too much. My firstborn was three and I was teaching her preschool Sunday school classes when the girls were in middle school and high school I was going on the church trips as a volunteer Did I trust the church? Yeah But it's run by humans. Did I trust all the boys? No, they're boys. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them so I would go

When they went on their 12 year old trips anywhere in America, I kept them close by. When they were 17, anywhere in the world, I let them lead. My youngest four, they're so gentle, but I see them taking care of pets, feeding, sit, stay, changing out the water for the turtle. Their little prayers before they turn two, they echo.

the focus to raise bold daughters who know who they are. Jordan Peterson says, dads, your job is to educate and train. That sounds like bringing order to chaos. I take that very personally. So five things, affirm their God given value, protect them against cultural pressure, celebrate each of their uniquenesses.

guide their media consumption and raise courageous daughters. If it were so easy, everybody would do it. But dads, can tell you, man, I've screwed up a lot. I don't know why 100%, but I can tell you my first two girls, girl, boy, girl, boy, man, they bore the brunt of my early mistakes. I I was a dad at 21.

I was stricter. I was way more testosterone filled. I yelled more. I spanked more. I was way less patient. I was young. I didn't like failure. didn't like disobedience. I was tough. And you know what? They knew I loved them. They heard I loved them, but maybe they questioned it more. I stayed in their worlds.

I was homeschooling them. I was coaching them in T-ball. Like I said, I was maybe teaching Sunday school for this one and I was volunteering on the church retreats in that one. We went on mission trips together, Alaska, France, Africa.

But guys, dads, how you start doesn't determine where you end. You cannot control for every variable. In fact, you can't control much. So I wanna challenge you because my oldest two, they don't really wanna talk to me right now. They're in their 20s, they're doing life their way. know, their mother and I divorced and it was hard. They felt like they had to pick sides. They questioned my love.

That's all right.

The next four girls, three of them, will take my call and hang out with me. We'll go grab a bite to eat, a Tex-Mex, a steak, go on a walk, go to breakfast. When they have conflict, I'm able to ask them simple questions. I like to help them think, but sometimes, maybe as a dad, maybe as a man,

They think I'm trying to solve their problem instead of just listen. If you ever heard that before guys, don't try to solve my problem. Just listen. Okay. So what I ask now is why are you saying this? What are we going to do about this? How can I help? Is there anything you want me to do? Listening is super important. I didn't always listen when I had the first two or three girls.

I was working 80 hours a week. I was trying to build a foundation for life, build a company, build a legacy, making it up with a 30 minute or one hour a week ice cream or a big trip. You know, it just didn't hit well. It didn't resonate. And so that's the sting is still there. I think I did everything within my power and you know, I've got one in New York.

One in Scotland, one in Colorado, one is married, two are not. They're all independent. Right now they're all silent, but I'm going to wait. Can't guilt trip them. Can't leverage money over them. Wouldn't want to. I think that I've learned to prepare them to handle anything. In fact, one of them said, dad, I feel so prepared to be an adult at 17. She was ready to be an adult. I I think you are too.

but it's not my job to control their path. As Peterson says, it's your job to validate their choices. These last six girls and they get an older dad. I'm not nearly as active and rolling around on the floor, but I'm a wiser dad. More questions, more listening, less yelling, no spanking, but they still, they still have the

Effect of my past failures. I'm still learning. I still have some tendencies. I want to overcome So dads when you fail Not if but when you fail pick yourself up Try to learn your lesson Here's what I've taken away from trying to Daughters and in my circle. I want to raise godly daughters raise them right in the middle of church

I've got the grown daughters and I've got once six of them still splashing around in the pool. Couple things, one affirm them daily, but don't compare. I can't stand sibling rivalry. If one of my daughters hears me talking to another one, say, Hey, I need you to sit down. And this other one says, daddy, I'm sitting down. Most of us would say, good job, sweetheart. I say, I am giving your sister correction.

Are you trying to steal your sister's correction? Because I can give you corrections too. No sir. Okay, let me talk to your sister. Or I give one a compliment. Hey, great job. I love your drawing. Now that runs up. I did a good job on my drawing too. I was complimenting your sister. Do you want to steal a compliment from your sister? No sir. Then let me compliment your sister. I will compliment you when the time is right.

No sister comparisons. I can tell you it's liberating, it's mind boggling to realize how much we often, we often create sibling rivalry when we think we're doing the right thing. Secondly guys, here's what I figured out. Protect her heart by shaping inputs. Limit her media. Understand what she's watching on TVs and movies.

foster playtime relaxing walking reading drawing coloring Poor truth into her to guard against cultural lies If you don't know the truth you can't share it if you do you can try Three like I said before celebrate her gifts athletically

I've seen basketball, I've seen soccer, I've seen swimming, seen tennis, right? What else? We've done flag football, right? For languages, French, Spanish, Italian, American Sign Language, Greek, Latin.

Arabic I these girls they follow their own path and we celebrate that they are Going to be their own person one day One thing I tell them is you get your first name. That's unique to you But we all share the last name so some things we share some things are uniquely yours And I want you to guide like a river her media Don't try to

Stop it or damn it up or completely withhold it. Pause your movies. Pause the songs.

Weave your faith in, weave your beliefs in, weave your logic in when you hear the song. What did they just say on the radio? If you follow it with your heart, you can always do it. What is that? Hold on, what did they say? Pause that. Is that Apple music? Pull that up, I wanna see those words. Do you believe that? No, dad, I just like the way it sounds. All right, because we don't believe that here. That's what I do. Take it or leave it. Also,

I've talked about milestones, build.

courage in them through milestones. Kids love to look forward to the next thing. When my kids turn two, they get to go on dates with daddy. When they turn four, I was coaching them in soccer, basketball, T ball. When they turn six, they can stop taking naps. When they turn 10, they get double scoops on their ice cream. When they turn 12, they go on a daddy daughter trip anywhere in the country. They turn 15, 16, they can start learning to drive. When they turn 17, they get a daddy daughter trip anywhere in

the world. In sprinkled into all that is volunteerism. They see the siblings doing trying out for performances, be church each church camps, so many things to deliver faith driven boldness, just on milestones alone. And finally, you're going to fail.

You'll fail young, you'll fail when they're in their teens, and you'll fail when they're old. And if she drifts, if your daughter drifts, wait without manipulating. You can be angry, you can be sad, you can be frustrated. Leave the door open, no strings attached, and just trust God's gonna work on her heart. So in closed dads, I'm not done.

I've got 10 daughters, but I've only really raised three. One is almost there, six, they're still in the house for four more years plus. They need a daddy. Those four littlest ones, they've softened me up a lot. The teens and tweens, man, they are so mature. They're shooting up, they're challenging me. They're really good thinkers. The grown girls, close.

silent. My job is to be the same man as I've always been. Learn from my mistakes. Be faithful, wait and love my girls. I told you before, I want them to know they are fearfully and wonderfully made. I want my daughters to know from ice cream dates to trips around the world and all the messy prayers in between that their daddy loves them. In fact,

My littlest girls have softened me up so much. I can't sing, but I have a little poem I wrote and it's my daddy loves me. My daddy loves me. My name is, and I say her name. My daddy loves me. I say it again. My daddy loves me. My daddy loves me. My name is princess.

loves me. That little jingle, I kind of hummed it on a cruise. I recorded it for my little one when she was two and I sing that to them at night and I can't sing but you know what I can for my girls. So they might soften you up, take it, run with it. I've got a challenge for you this week. If you have a two-year-old, a 22 year old or a 42 year old, offer to take her out.

it's ice cream, if it's Tex-Mex, if it's a steak, if she's young enough and you can do it, go play hide and seek or play tic-tac-toe or solve a sudoku together or do something in her space. Maybe send a text just a kind I love you I was thinking about you today. Can't wait to see you again. This is part one

of our little mini series. Next week we'll tackle raising sons and then following that we're going to balance having both boys and girls in a home. I'm Derek Moore. This is the Smart Dad Podcast. Thanks for listening. Go out and be a smart dad and we can do it together. Let's do this.