Howdy smart dads. Derek Moore here, your Texas coach for changing lives through education and fatherhood. We're in a mini series right now, a three part series on raising kids. Last week we focused on raising girls in an all girl house, raising daughters, those, those sweet princesses who steal our hearts today.

Our focus is on the all boy house boys. Are they different? Do we just say they're different? Well, let me ask you this dads. Would you rather be a warrior in a garden or gardener in a war? Now you may have heard that question before, but picture a warrior sword sharpened standing in a peaceful garden.

ready to get to work.

Now picture a gardener, a trowel in his left hand, a shovel in his right hand, stuck in the middle of a war zone. Which one thrives? It's not even a question. That's the challenge of raising boys in 2025. Our world is filled with screens, soft chairs, comfy couches, and really short attention spans.

If you think back to the first man, Adam, he was created in the wilderness, but placed into the garden of Eden. Our boys, they're going to start in this garden, but they got to grow up and be able to face the wilderness. We have to train them to be warriors who thrive because we didn't

leave them in the garden. We didn't think life would be like a garden. We forged them to leave the garden. Now I've raised four sons, each one very unique, but each one needing a forge. I got one more left to raise. He's only 10, eight years left. Let's talk about the garden in 2025. It's not

the flowers and the calm and the butterflies I'm talking about. It's the place we were raising kids. We're bringing kids into the world. It's packed with entertainment. It's packed with fast food, fast internet, but, but slow maturity. I mean, it's nice on the surface.

But the thorns are real dads. There's distraction, disconnection, passivity, anxiety, and more.

So I'm not saying I've done it right, but I'm just gonna tell you what I've done in my house. We've built rhythms to forge boys into men. Because honestly, a garden just by itself isn't gonna do it. It takes intentional training. It takes dads laying out a plan.

and executing. So let's, let's talk about elementary school, middle school and high school kids. I don't know where your kids are, but for my elementary school boys, when they were that age, sleep was non-negotiable. I could not stand my boys if they were sleep deprived early to bed, late to rise. That was my motto. It's about health, not about rules. I remember Vince Lombardi, he said fatigue,

makes cowards of us all. They start the day, they get their schoolwork, they get out of school, they come home. Even at that age, anything they have to do comes first. They watch the older brothers, set the pace. So it's expected. We've got a lot of positive peer pressure from the four older brothers. There's no drama here. It's every day. It's all the time. Get your work done.

You need a little snack first. I get that. You want to change out of your clothes, your uniform, whatever you wear. I get that. Get your work done. The sun will still be up. Then you can play basketball, football, soccer, running, lifting, hauling stuff, cleaning. You can work on your theater lines. You can practice your debate. You can do something that's actively using your mind and body. Now,

I grew up in the 80s. My dad grew up in the 50s. In the 80s, we were able to, in we were locked out of the house and run wild in the streets until the streetlights came on. That freedom does not exist generally in our culture today. But my house, we don't have screen time on school nights. TV, we've got an 80 inch TV on the wall. It might come on for

everybody to watch. We don't just sit on our phones, sit on our iPads, sit on our laptops incessantly. Video games, all that stuff. We're not doing it. It's not punishment, but it's a way, a successful way. I found a raise boys who can stand tall. Now middle schoolers get louder. We're a little more watchful. Their devices are required. They're more common.

So you gotta, you gotta watch this one a little more closely, but the rhythm is going to stay there. Dad's work first after school, then play, then sleep well. We're going to guard these transitions. Sometimes they can lose five, 10, 20, 30 minutes going from one thing to the next. We need them to keep moving. Okay. They've got team sports, football and basketball and cross country.

They're doing all kinds of stuff. Midweek they go to church and that's not always active, but they're logging and they're working and they're figuring out their faith. Some nights these guys are high energy. They're all jokes. They got that swagger going. They're growing into their stinky bodies. Other nights it's just kind of a grunt. Here's the secret here. I don't push them. I don't force them to talk. You can't.

But stay close guys. And when they're ready to talk, be ready. Remember, you're training warriors to balance strength and stillness. I like to talk, you might like to be quiet. Sometimes I need to slow down and be quiet. Sometimes you need to speak up and talk.

Then they get to high school. I don't know about you, but a lot of folks are pretty tense about high school. I'm actually to the surprise of most people relaxed about high schoolers. give them a lot of latitude, probably more than you think, but they've earned it. I ask them two things. I want to know where are you? You can text me. You can share your location. I'm going to call you to answer your phone. And then at night I'm going to ask you,

Are you sleeping enough? They know the conversation. They know their bodies. They know their beliefs. And then they get to go out. They get to be tested. They get to stumble, but that's okay. Dads. We want them to stumble when they're at home. Again, one form rule I've had since the 1990s, no screens in bedrooms. We, for the kids, we just don't do it no matter their age.

No TVs in your bedroom, no laptops, no iPads, no cell phones, nothing. We're not raising boys to get them out of our hair or to make sure they're happy. We're raising men to stand firm. I want them ready to leave the garden, face the fight, have their strength there that they developed while they were at home. So I got to tell you, my second born,

He's been a sports junkie since he was a year and a half old. He could dribble a soccer ball across multiple fields, maintaining control without falling down at 18 months. We've lived for sports. We've watched on the TV, NFL, NBA, MLB, NCAA, basketball, football. We've gone to NFL games, NBA games, MLB games, NCAA basketball. We've even flown.

Across the country for the Elite 8, we've gone to college football games with 100,000 fans.

Christmas though, his senior year, it stood out. We were driving home from Tex-Mex after we'd sat up there and watched an NBA game and all the excitement and the lights and the noise were kind of fading. And he just said, dad, I think we'd be able to be friends even if you weren't my dad.

You know, that's gold, dads.

He didn't need my money. He didn't need my advice. He didn't need me cheerleading for him. We'd sat next to each other enough hours that he could speak the truth for him. At that time, that's what he believed. He'd built a circle of trust outside of me, but he shared his heart with me. That's the forge at work. You grow them, you strengthen them.

Then you hand them off and stay ready. Don't get in their way. They're going to have to find friends, maybe mentors. They're going to find girlfriends. They're going to find buddies at work. Lead them to manhood's door and just watch them walk through. If you've done it right, they'll look back to make sure you're there. They'll give you a nod and not because they have to, but because they want to.

five truths that I've stumbled upon for raising men. Remember we talked about girls last week. This is boys. You might say it translates. I'm telling you, this is boys for me. First, you want to forge their physicality for discipline. I remember when I was four, my dad had my brother and me every night. We were wild. We were all boy.

We were doing sprints, pushups, sit ups. He had us running back and forth, jumping jacks, trying to wear us out. I remember one night he challenged us. We work on abs, holds your legs out straight, your heels six inches off the ground. He was pounding our stomachs. One minute, two minutes, my brother caved, three minutes, four minutes. And I gave up, gave in.

that earned me $4. I held it for four minutes and I was four years old. I learned discipline. I learned to be tough. had one of my boys was kind of sluggish in his middle school years. I started a Texas bootcamp. We wrote them down, pushups, pull ups, sprints, obstacle courses, jumping jacks, count them off. How many can you do reps sets?

He didn't like it, but days later he found that energy. He was the first one off the couch. His eyes were sharp. He was beating his own times. He was besting his own numbers. Dad, I'm going to tell you boys need sweat before they need screens. And they need pressure before they need pampering. Now little babies obviously are little babies and they need mommies. But remember the trajectory, the path they're on. Russell with them.

run with them. You might let them outrun you at first. Eventually they're going to outrun you.

We go through all that to forge discipline. Secondly, sharpen their emotional intellect, their EQ, their connection. I've seen through my tutoring, through my coaching, through my mentoring, through my volunteering, and through raising my own boys, boys don't need lectures. They just need some space to open up. One night, again, over Tex-Mex, I had a margarita, my son had a Dr. Pepper.

And I just said, Hey, you good? He kind of nodded, stirred his drink and looked at me and I said, are you good? And he said something like this. I'm not word for word here, but he said, dad, I'm losing my purpose. I, I can't really see what's coming.

And he shared from his heart. I listened. I didn't have a solution. We talked a little bit about it and we again just started moving toward answers. I don't know that we solved anything, but he felt that he could tell me something that was real. He felt like his sword was getting a little sharper and I was helping him do that. Dads, ask a question.

Let them talk, ask another question and then wait. Sometimes they need to face their feelings. Sometimes they need to verbalize their feelings. Third, train the leadership in them through mentorship through you. Train the leadership in them through mentorship from you.

So in our house, we've got a general policy. Maybe the kids don't even know it, but anything you start, you're doing for three years. We tell them year one, you don't know what's going on. You're clueless. You can't quit. Year two, find your strength. Find your weakness. Year three, lead. You figure it out where you can excel. Then you can decide if you have a year four or not. Do you stay or do you go?

One of my boys hit a wall in year two. I don't know. I don't think I can do this. I told him leadership isn't always out loud. When I was football captain, my senior year, I was loud. I was energetic. I was Mr. Optimism, but my co-captain was a quiet leader and he told our mentor, I'm not Derek Moore. I'm not doing that. He just went out and executed daily.

He led by his actions. Both are valid. Boys are going to need guidance to lead and they're going to figure it out on themselves. So dad's mentor, your son, you want them to finish strong and you want them to find their own voice. Fourth, this is so key. Anchor their identity in their faith so they can stand firm guys. Boys belong.

at the heart of the church, not just around the edges. You've heard of CEO Christians, Christmas Easter only, C E O. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. But if your church lacks male leaders, dude, step up. I started in 1999 serving, I served on 33 beach retreats for junior high and high school.

combined over the years. Very few dads joined me. Now my son has had two of the best volunteer counselors over the past two years I could ever imagine. These are men I've known and I trust they are stepping up because I stepped back. I let them, someone else step in. They're not always going to need you. Let the church do it.

Let their coaches do it. Let other men in their lives do it. Boys are going to need to stand firm in the garden because when they go out there, men, dads, you got to already have your footing. Pray for them. Serve them. Show up for them. In fact, this week I want to challenge you. Find one place you can show up in your son's life. Is he in preschool? I taught preschool. Is he in college? I volunteered in college ministry.

Is he in middle school, go up there and play ping pong or whatever they're playing up there nowadays. High school, get involved. Finally, the fifth thing is challenge your men academically. Guys, don't let them be lazy and dumb. The world doesn't need any more lazy and dumb people.

You might not be the smartest guy, but you don't have to be lazy. I've told my boys, you might not be the smartest, but you're not going to be the laziest. When they're at school and they have multiple choice tests and word banks, I tell them that's too low of a bar. One of my sons was complaining about a history test. I said, fine. You don't know your stuff. It's too hard. Here's a blank sheet of paper. Write every vocabulary word for this chapter.

for the chapters on this test. Every person this test covers, every event, the highlights from this test, before you take the test, he struggled, he said, I don't know, I can't do it. I said, okay, fine, define them, describe them, dig them up, look them up, we drilled, he did it. Now I said, now memorize them. He did it. He said he had it.

Then I gave him a blank sheet of paper. said write all your vocab words write all the people write all the places write all the events Now define them He did it on a blank sheet of paper when he walked in on test day guys. That was a breeze I called that the blank page Test if you can fill a blank page out with everything, you know, you're gonna be just fine If you remember Bill Cower was the head coach for the Pittsburgh Steelers in the NFL

I remember he told a story and he said his players loved Sundays. Sundays were only three or four hours of work. Sundays were like a day off because practices Monday through Saturday were so hard. If you train your boys hard academically, school should be easy. Train them to the level

Of the blank page test. I bet they'll be stronger for it. So dads, here's the deal. Those are five points. You're a dad. That's the bottom line. It's a unique calling. Your boys gotta have you in his life. You're not an option. You're not an afterthought. You can't be deleted. You're the forge for the boy in your home. He might be a bucking bronco who's testing every

Square inch of the wood keeping that pen together. He's listening for a Little weak spot for a crack. That's alright The world's tough, but he'll learn it in the pen Your boy is strong Shape him at the right pace Don't soften him, but don't break him Can you set standards in your life in your family? Can you show up?

I don't know that I knew what I was doing, but when my son said, think we could be friends, I knew he had crossed over into manhood. Not because he made some magical statement, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. That's your goal. Faithful fatherhood until you're done. Ephesians two verse 10 says, we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus.

to do good works which God has prepared in advance for us to do. Your work is forging a warrior who thrives in the garden and goes ready for war. Care fiercely about your son. Remember this trite expression, but I say it a lot because it's true. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Your son is the same way.

Pick one truth this week.

Find that truth. It can be something simple like son, you're have to go to work one day. Son, you're gonna get fired one day. Son, you're gonna have this happen one day. Grab Tex-Mex, grab a sandwich, grab an ice cream, whatever you do. Ask one question, then ask a second question. Maybe you need to let him lead a prayer. Train him for the blank test of life.

Smart dads, this is sacred ground. You're raising warriors. These guys are going to be the future of our country, of our world, future husbands, future dads, future coaches, future leaders and future builders. So here's your takeaway. Pick a single truth this week. Make learning real. What do you want to?

Pass on to your son this week. Remember your values are caught, not taught. Show up, live your life, and love your son.

Next week, we're going to tackle mixed sex households. How do you raise boys and girls in the same house with the same love, but different strategies? Thanks for joining me this week. I'm Derek Moore. Now let's go out and be a smart dad today. Dads, you've got this. Let's do it together.